Sometimes you just stand at the parapet, glancing at the sky and water and vice versa. It's almost dark and friends are inviting you to a concert for a few beers or somewhere else.But you can't be bothered.You just stand at the canal watching sky and water. And if you screw your eyes, city lights turn into solid continuous line and sky and water become one.
It feels like if I would turn upside down and feel no difference. In a moments like this i smoke a lot, feeling how my finger tips are getting cold.
You stand like if you were singing 2.99 cent blues in an empty barrel house. Spectators already left, but it doesn't matter. It's one actor and spectator at the same time theater.Memories knurl reminding of childhood, teenage riots,  rock-n-roll, long winters, rapid summertime, you, you and you. I recall kitchens where the light was never turned down low, wine was finished too fast and we had to run to the night shop again and again. Kitchens still full of our voices and laughter echoes. Like in a kaleidoscope faces sweep over: some names you hardly remember, some don't mean anything anymore, some hadn't seen for ages but during rare meetings still the same warmth and tenderness, but now we have to separate quicker- some much to do, diplomas, work, ambitions, goals in life, some already are family people with children.
Love to some people you carry through years.In the most sensitive muscle in only for them drawn room they live inside. And when you miss them too much in this room becomes so hot, that you could burn yourself.
Yet life is such an amusing thing- despite all the odds your insides never stay empty. Even if it happens, it's just temporary. Ever as there appears a free space inside it very soon refills. (Re)fluxes. And to be honest everything always moves for the better. Nothing passes without leaving a trace, it's like tree's age circles. You change, grow up and sometimes even become a bit wiser. Your experience credit all the time tops up, otherwise you already died without even noticing it.
And when I think about it all while watching the sky and water in the end i deny all the invitations. "Sorry, I'm tired and might go home. Anyway, have fun,guys! You know I love you." And I go home. With no turning lights on set up the kettle and just look through a window. Go to sleep. Just because tomorrow gonna be a brand new day and I believe it's gonna be only better.
Just because life is beautiful.
It's just sometimes you feel distorted.